Are we human? Or are we dancers?

When I was in high school, I dated a boy who never spoke with his mother's side of his family. He told me about the fight between his parents and his grandparents that caused the drift, and I thought it was so weird that a family would stop speaking with each other for such a small reason. I was prideful and assumed that I must have had a better appreciation for family and thought that maybe it had to do with the way I was raised.

I learned a lesson today I wasn't expecting to learn about my family.

My older brother hasn't been talking to the rest of my family for over a year now, for reasons unbeknownst to anyone except himself. All I can say is they must be dumb reasons because I know for a fact that we have more to be angry about with him than he does with us. At any rate, it's been really hard on my family not to have him in our lives--expecially because we fell in love with his 3 step-children and haven't been able to see them.

Mostly I've been angry about the whole situation...and I wasn't quite sure why I was so angry. At first I thought it was because of what he did to my parents leading up to the situation. Then I thought it was because he wasn't thinking about what taking those kids out of our lives would do to them, let alone us. (The kids really haven't had any stable family members, and kids need a family!) Then I thought it was because I really missed his kids and could care less about my brother. I must have been through a few dozen reasons for being angry that were all applicable and made sense...but none of those reasons really hit the core of the anger.

My brother called my mom today for mother's day. The first time he's spoken to her in a year. And I was angry with her for talking to him. She stayed on the phone for over an hour, and when she came out to say bye to me, she said she had to talk to him, she couldn't push him away if he was going to make an effort. I told her that she better make him try harder than just a phone call...and the conversation continued from there until I realized I was crying and my mother was giving me a hug, crying along with me.

My grandpa gave us a hug and said, "You know what? The only person getting hurt by your anger is you." And I realized-- I was angry because I am hurt. I am hurt that my brother, whom I have a million memories with, could care so little about being in my life (especially this time in my life, when so much is happening). I realized that I am angry because I gave him the power to hurt me. And it's all my fault.

The lesson I learned in addition to this realization is that I have SOOOOOO many wonderful examples of my savior in my life. My mother is so ready to forgive her son, who has caused so much hurt, because she understands. My grandfather, my father, my sister, my brother are so ready to love him again and let him back into their lives...because they understand. I am truly humbled by how much I have to change to be like them--to love so deeply when the love isn't returned, without letting selfish things like anger and hurt feelings get in the way.

This is why we forgive. Anything less than complete forgiveness is selfishness.